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Skeletons in the Closet

250 things she’s never done before.

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Be a Social Butterfly!, Dil Se, Masti On the Net, Skeletons in the Closet

I always thought Matrimonial sites were doing a commendable job.  After all, marriage is a must-have experience of life.  But when I heard about what happened with Puri uncle’s daughter; I thought it was necessary for my Indian female friends to know about the dark side of marriage through Matrimonial portals. 

Shweta was in her early 30s and not getting married.  Hence, someone suggested she found her match through one of the leading matrimonial sites.  In a short while, Shweta found one suitable guy from Nepal.  Puri family was not looking so much for the caste and community similarity, but wanted guy’s family background and financial status to be sound. They did everything possible to check all is well with the guy and his family.  They even went to Nepal to check the family background, in spite of all that… Puri family got cheated.

Marriage took place last year and just few months back Shweta discovered the guy was already married.  Shweta has filed for divorce but because the law in Nepal is different to Indian law, they are having problem.  Shweta’s life is in a rut now, and if that was not enough, all her gold and other belongings are still there with them.

Here is where marriages within the community or known families earns the brownie points; if alliance is from the community you can get all required details and avoid such unnecessary hassles later on. 

There have been numerous successful marriages through matrimonial sites and the sites will only tell you about them, but what happened with Shweta is also the harsh reality. This is not to discourage people from finding life partners through matrimonial sites, just a small piece of advice to be extra careful.  Play safe and in case your prospective match is not from your country, know the existing laws of that country,

Sometimes, a social networking site does the job of a matrimonial site.  One of my friends found someone like that but after hearing about all the kind of unpleasant things that happens on networking site, she was not sure.  So this girl befriended one of his online female friends, who used to message him often.  Eventually, found out all about her guy and was convinced that there is nothing to fear about.  Now they are together and happy… smart move!

Skeletons in the Closet

When news about Tiger Woods broke out, once again it diverted people’s attention towards infidelity. Newspapers, Women’s blog, general discussions included the topic of adultery. Not many people were surprised; somewhere the reason here was, it is something you expect from celebrities.  Their lifestyle is such that, it would be very rare if one of them was loyal to their spouse.  But, when the same news comes from a friend or a neighbor it still does shock us.  Oh, that guy… Oh that lady they looked so much like made for each other, just so unbelievable!

Is divorce the only solution to adultery? Or is there a way out?

Listen to Sheila’s story and decide.

Sheila married her college sweetheart Varun.  As days went by they both got busy with work and household responsibilities.  Two years after marriage, Varun was sent to Canada for six months, on official visit.  When he came back, Sheila noticed the communication between them had got worse than before.  Gradually, Sheila discovered there was someone in Varun’s life.  Natasha, Varun’s colleague in their Canada office.  Sheila read one of Natasha’s emails to Varun and sensed danger.  On reading more of her mails, it got obvious that they shared more than just professional relationship.

Sheila couldn’t believe it was happening with her, someone she had married against all odds, someone she couldn’t imagine her life without has found someone to replace her!  The feeling was mixed… anger, depression, sadness, all together had hit Sheila.  It took one week for her to return to her senses.  Next day she told Varun in a very cold tone, that she wanted to go to Bangalore, their hometown.  Varun felt strange, because after marriage this was the first time she had shown such keenness in visiting Bangalore.    Sheila asked Varun if he could join her… work was not too much but yet in other circumstances Varun would have refused but Sheila’s straight and emotionless tone made it difficult for him to say no.

Two days later both took an early flight to Bangalore.  On reaching Bangalore, Sheila first took Varun to their college, the movie theatre, the mall and all those places they spent time in their courting days.  The feeling of nostalgia could be seen on Varun’s face as much as it was in Sheila’s expressions.  By the end of the day, they reached their hotel room Varun’s mind and heart was again in love with Sheila. 

Next morning, when Varun woke up, Sheila was all dressed up.  Quickly Varun headed to bathroom for a shower.  When he came out of the bathroom he saw next to his clothes were some papers, he got his glasses to read. 

What he saw after that was enough to give him a heavy nudge on his head.  It was the love emails sent to him by Natasha.  Even before he could complete reading the mails, his eyes started looking out for Sheila, but she was no where around and then his eyes fell on a post-it on the bed. 

The post-it read “Today make a choice Natasha or Me, if it’s me, I am waiting for you at our college canteen - Sheila”

This was the NUMB moment for Varun as it was for Sheila when she discovered about Natasha.  Suddenly he got up, started dressing and ran out of the hotel room only to come back again and lock the door.  In the next 20/25 minutes he was in the college canteen.  It was Sunday and the canteen was closed he saw Sheila waiting outside the gate.

Varun walked up to her and whispered into her ears, “Can we go back to the hotel and talk?”

Sheila nodded in affirmative and both reached their room.  In the room, after a little drama both hugged each other.

Its four years to that episode, Sheila and Varun are still together and happy, one more reason to their happiness could also be Sneha their adorable daughter.  Now whenever Varun has to go abroad, he makes sure Sheila and Little Sneha joins him.

Today Sheila has only one thing to say to the women community here and to people in her situation.  Everything in life is about right timing, and it pays to create the right time instead of waiting for it.  The day I knew about his affair with Natasha, had I confronted him then, matters could have turn worse.  Keeping quiet also would not really help, but creating a right time to confront, did the trick!

Infidelity in a marriage is something no one wants in their marriage but it’s said that, in the life of every married person, there comes a time when they are tempted to cheat, some give in to the temptation while some don’t.  I am not sure how true it is, but after learning about Sheila’s story, I believe that love and patience conquers all!

Skeletons in the Closet

There is a tide in the affairs of men,

Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune…

- William Shakespeare

The Bard, as usual, got it right, though we wish he’d specifically included women too in these famous lines! No matter. Worldwide, women entrepreneurs are foraying into every kind of business, from home-based start-ups to global enterprises. Odds like gender-specific obstacles make the ride a bumpy one.

Personality traits

While some of us are intrinsically more suited to the challenges of business than others, there are also incidences where circumstances have forced women to develop entrepreneurial traits.

For some women, the desire to be independent, born out of dissatisfaction with their work environment is what drives them to become entrepreneurs. For others, it’s the flexibility of setting one’s own schedule and pace that makes them switch from a career. What’s common to all is the ability to take risks, spot opportunities in adversity, and sheer persistence. Studies have also revealed that women as entrepreneurs tend to rely greatly on intuition and relationships vis-à-vis men, who lean towards logic and efficiency.

Where do I begin?

Whether you’re ambitious, savvy or a born risk-taker or someone with a Big Idea but no clue how to proceed further, consider some of these essentials:

· Belief in what you want. Does your gut tell you its good? Go for it. Even if things don’t pan out right, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you went into a project that meant something to you.

· Doing your homework: That great idea is not of much use if there are already a zillion me-too’s out there. Studying your market and having a business plan is vital. And before you take the leap, have you a safety net in place?

· Going solo is a misnomer. In truth, you’ll find yourself donning many roles – CEO, marketing whiz, accountant, customer care representative, copywriter and perhaps, cleaning lady.

Obstacles

Any business is bound to have starting problems. Being a woman at the helm brings its own peculiar set of roadblocks:

· Access to investment avenues is easier for men who network socially with bankers, lawyers and potential investors. Without such readymade systems, a woman has to find her way around, working consciously towards tapping these resources for money and information.

· Women still lack a sizeable number and variety of role models in business, whose experiences and knowledge they can draw upon.

· Balancing family responsibilities and the demands of a new business can be daunting.

· We are our own worst enemies – self-doubt is a woman’s biggest challenge.

Can I really do it?

· You don’t need specialized or formal education to start off. Experience and determination count for more.

Dorothy J. White took on home-cleaning jobs after years of marriage and kids to supplement her husband’s income. Her sincerity and hard work soon translated into an increasing number of referrals. When her husband suggested that she turn her job into a business, Dorothy was incredulous. How could she, a high-school pass out and member of a minority community, ever hope to succeed? But begin she did, in a small way. After homes came office-cleaning contracts. Slowly, the business grew, with Dorothy availing of government programs to help women and minorities. Miracle Services, Inc is now a multi-million dollar enterprise, with Dorothy as its President. An inspiring tale of what passion and hard work can achieve!

(Source: Women Entrepreneurs Only by Gregory K. Erickson, Ernst & Young)

· You don’t need wealth either to start off. Seed money can come from banks, family or investors who fund newcomers.

In 1959, seven poor, semi-literate housewives from Gujarat, India, borrowed Rs.80 (around US$2) from a moneylender and social worker. Why? To earn just enough to lead a dignified life. On the terrace of one home, they would roll out papads or lentil dough roundels that would be dried and packed for sale. Over the years, the tiny enterprise snowballed as more women joined up and the Sri Mahila Griha Udyog Lijjat Papad grew into a cooperative of 42,000 employees. Their unique business model has since won international recognition. Talk about womanpower!

· The Internet – thanks to its phenomenal reach and low-cost operation, small businesses can compete with established players. On the Net, age is no barrier, either.

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.” That was Anita Roddick, late iconic founder of Body Shop. Now, there’s something to ponder about!

Skeletons in the Closet

Your nine-year old is deliriously awaiting his first Game Boy. The thirteen-year-old and his dad won’t eat until they’ve figured out everything about the hot, new mobile phone they’ve bought. Feeling left out, mom?

Or maybe you’re single, hetero and dating. You’re familiar with that sinking feeling that sets in when you pass by a techno-type display at the mall, and your hitherto attentive date gets that glazed look in his eyes. Uh oh. You could do the dance of the seven veils and the guy wouldn’t flicker an eyelash.

Technology has rewritten that old cliché about the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach. Just gift your significant other that hot gizmo he’s been dreaming of and watch the reaction (it’s another matter that in his newfound delight, he just might forget you altogether). Seriously though, understanding gadgets and how they work would go a long way towards figuring out why men love them so much.

There’s also the ‘child-within-the-man’ factor. Smart marketers figured that out long ago. The new thingy on the block, sporting sleek, space-age looks, hooks the little boy in your 45-year-old man.

What is it with guys and gadgets? Are they wired that way from birth? What about women – why are we different? Or are we?

Jokes apart, there’s often a practical value to acquiring gadgetry. A nifty power tool, for instance, gets work done fast. So, understanding the men in our lives is not the only reason for figuring out how stuff works. And perish the thought that women are wired differently. I’ve realized what it is that adults – grown women in particular – lack when it comes to being tech-savvy. Curiosity, for one and confidence, for another.

Also, the sheer effort of keeping up with information on technology can be pretty overwhelming, more so if you’re the kind who gets foxed even by a slightly sophisticated cordless phone. Still, to impress the man in your life, shouldn’t you consider updating your basic knowledge? He’ll be far more admiring of you than if you simply sport the cutest digicam ever or a trendy-looking mobile phone. Since technology advances with alarming rapidity, all you need to do is to keep up with the latest terminology.

Some examples:

RSS – Really Simple Syndication. How reassuring! If you’re on a website that you’d like to subscribe to, look for an orange square onscreen. Clicking on this enables you to subscribe to the RSS feed.

Podcast – An Internet version of a radio broadcast. Subscribing to it means you can listen to audio broadcasts over the Net or your iPod.

Nanotechnology – A science that studies the essential elements of life – molecules and atoms. By knowing how to manipulate them, scientists could one day make breakthrough discoveries in disease control, using nanotech robots called nanobots. Already, nanotechnology is being used to produce stain-resistant, no-wrinkle fabrics and advanced food packaging that helps retain freshness for longer.

Mash-up – Nothing to do with car accidents or potatoes! It’s a term used to describe a Web application where several sources of data are pooled to create a new tool or application. Google Maps is perhaps the most widely known example of a mash-up.

Web 2.0: This term’s a shape-shifter that means many things to many people! Basically, it’s an umbrella phrase used to describe the radical change in how the World Wide Web is being used since the early years of this millennium. The old Web (Web 1.0) essentially consisted of sites that were a set of published pages which you could only read. Web 2.0 turns this concept upside down, allowing you, the reader and user, to play an active role. Web 2.0 therefore allows the Internet to be used in a participatory, democratic fashion, allowing for more communication and creativity. Well-known examples: blogs and social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace; Wikipedia, where anyone is free to pitch in and add, edit or correct entries and the enormously popular You Tube.

Fascinating? Once you get started, you probably won’t want to stop. Start boning up now. The next time your man says he’s looking for a hotspot, you’ll know that’s a place which provides public Internet access and not a zone that’s too close to the sun! Also, if you don’t know, don’t be afraid to ask – it’ll show him you’re interested in something close to his heart and he’ll love you the more for your honesty.

Some of us simply freeze when it comes to learning how to actually use gadgets. Take heart, gals, it’s never too late to learn!

With the competition that prevails, gadget manufacturers strive for products that are simple and easy to work. But this is not about their qualities; it’s about your attitude. Go on, press those buttons – nothing’s going to explode! Still feeling faint-hearted? If there’s no one around, ask for help on the Net! Being a movie buff, I once joined a film discussion forum on the Net and was immediately intrigued by the fascinating photos of movie scenes (or screen captures) posted by other members. One lazy day, I googled a query; up came a site where a kind stranger had set out, (with pictures for the seriously challenged), a brief how-to on making screen caps. Was I pleased beyond imagining when I made my first screen cap – why, a fifth grader could have done it!

It’s hard to express the elation you experience when you’ve mastered something you thought was too daunting. There could be frustration on the way, but hang in. Learning how things work can be fun at any age with the added plus of being a confidence booster. Go for it, unleash the geek goddess within!

Skeletons in the Closet

Skeletons in the Closet

I can’t help but worry about children of this generation and for good reason too! During a pedicure appointment last week, I noticed several adolescent and pre-teen girls hanging around at the salon. My first impression was that these kids had simply tagged along with their moms but I was in for a big surprise when I saw a ten-year old waiting for her first facial! What are parents turning their little girls into – precocious barbie dolls? Do we see another unhealthy trend mushrooming here?

Nowadays, it is not uncommon for kids wanting to dress up like adults – I have often seen adolescent girls precariously balanced on heels and donning pencil skirts when they should be playing around in the dirt and having a wild time. Not to mention those little make-up kits complete with lip-gloss, eyeshadow, blush and mascara seen at toy stores! As a concerned Indian parent of two young girls, I find all this rather disconcerting. I would rather have my children grow up on a healthy dose of sports, hobbies and creative activities than let them evolve into self-absorbed, self-obsessed and self-concious adults. What makes parents put so much pressure on children to grow up faster? Is there anything wrong in being a normal child with a carefree and innocent childhood? I agree that we live in a superficial world but shouldn’t we try to teach our kids otherwise? What do you think about this obnoxious new trend? Are you willing to take to it or are you as perturbed as me?

Skeletons in the Closet

As a creative head of an ad agency, I am constantly on a look out for new ideas and expressions. I can’t help but scrutinize billboards, print ads and even fliers. While people treat television commercials like pests, I am busy waiting for them – even if it means an unwelcome break between my favorite programs! Well, they don’t call me a workoholic for no reason.

Just today, I came across this really cool ad of a well-known condom company in a magazine – such a refreshing change from the usual pattern featuring perfect- bodied models in sensual postures and skimpy clothes. I am so tired and done with these run-of-the-mill ads and to me, they all look the same. Where have all the creative people gone? I particularly liked this concept because it was innovative and communicative at the same time. The ad director managed to convey so much with just a still shot and a faint bit of humor.

I am not a wee bit hesitant in confessing that advertisements are designed to lure people into a world of wistful thinking and idealistic living. Come to think of it, how many career-oriented women like me return home with enough energy and motivation to have the kind of sex depicted in this ad? And how many women in general have earth-shaking, side-table-scratching orgasms? Don’t we all wish we could have happening sex-lives like that? I , for one, do! We are so busy juggling work, home and relationships that something as vital as sex takes a back-seat. We don’t realise it often but we secretly crave intimacy and physical love on a daily basis. I am sure most women would identify with me on this issue. Let me know what you think.

Skeletons in the Closet

Every woman worth her hormones vies for a happy married life and a wonderful family. Though I can’t be grateful enough for the worderful family I am blessed with, who doesn’t want the best of both worlds? When I hear Aditi and Sonia talk about their jobs and careers, I can’t help but wonder what it feels like to be an independent working woman (I have been there before but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull it off again). I sometimes envy Sonia for all the fun she has being a singleton and I admire Aditi for the way she juggles home and career and still finds time for herself. Motherhood changes everything - my life completely revolves around my two wonderful daughters now. I feel like a sacrificial lamb every now and then but that is not to say that I don’t enjoying being a full-time mom.

Right now I am torn between the idea of venturing on a new career path and being there for my children at a time when they need me the most. Well, times are now rapidly changing and much to the relief of millions of moms like me all over the world, there are a multitude of work-from-home career choices available. I kinda like the whole idea of being my own boss and having full control over my work schedule.

Since I am an ace in math, I have been toying with options like book-keeping, accounting, online tuitions and data processing. At a later stage, when the kids are grown-up enough, I could put my chartered accountant certification to good use and set up a home-based consultancy but that’s still a faraway possibility.

Skeletons in the Closet